Priorities - 29 March 2009 - 1100

As I lay in bed last night, with my mind wandering from one topic to the next, I took a minute to really listen to my surroundings. I could hear the backup alarm from a truck doing construction on Southpark. I could hear generators buzzing from the light sets outside and the AC/Heating unit providing a little climate control. I could hear the nonstop roar of jets taking off and landing as the Flightline is only about a mile away and missions seem to pick up at night. They are all sounds that persist all day and night, but fade into the background, much like the traffic in NY City must to residents. Also as I lay in bed, there is a certain degree of fear that at any moment a rocket could come through our tent and I’ll never make it back home. It’s a thought that I have almost every night and it’s unsettling to say the least. But as I lay there last night some things occurred to me. The other day while I was watching our Private at the hospital on suicide watch, I asked him if he knew what they were going to do with him. He said “They are going to put me with the next unit going home and then discharge me from the Army.” I asked him “Is that what you wanted?” He reply “Yes, the Army just isn’t for me.” I told him “You wanna know secret? It’s not for me either. He is an interesting kid. He just joined the unit right before we got deployed. While we were in Hastings he committed a minor crime and now has a warrant out for his arrest. More than likely when he gets home, he’s going to jail. He is one of those guys that you just know, one day, is going to go postal. Chief told him in Fort Sill “When you go off the reservation I’m hiding behind SSG Christ.” I get along with everyone in the unit pretty much and I made it a special point while we were in Fort McCoy to get on his good side in case he did go banana’s which I guess he did. I’m just not the same kid I was 8 years ago when I signed up for the military. Since then, and since my last contract signing even, I have had a major shift in priorities. I’m no longer willing to come over here and risk my life when I have someone depending on me at home. When you’re fresh out of high school you really don’t have a long list of concerns. You’re more than likely looking for money to keep yourself alive and maybe go to school, but other than that, your only concern, is you. That all changes when you get married. When you promise your someone that you will be by her side for the rest of your life, suddenly a year in the desert isn’t quite as fun and adventurous. There is also a shift from only being concerned with yourself, to having someone else become more important thing in the world. If I had to go to war and protect her against an enemy directly threatening our countries safety or way of life, I would not hesitate. I would trade my life for hers without a second thought in my mind, but this war does not meet that criteria. I am over here in Afghanistan taking rockets and mortars almost nightly to help the Afghan people become free of the anarchy of the Taliban. Will my wife stay safe at night in Nebraska if the people of Afghanistan are at war with the Taliban? Of course she will. Do I agree that we should be over here and this is a righteous cause? Absolutely. I just don’t feel like it’s my war to fight. 3 years ago it would have been another story. I was single, not going to school and not even working. My only source of income was our monthly drill check and occasionally going in to assist at the reserve center for a couple days at a time. Let those who have no spouse or children come fight this war. I did somewhat volunteer for this, but I’ve had a bit of an awakening of late. I wanted to go to war for my own selfish reasons. I didn’t have my wife’s best interest in mind when I agreed to deploy. Now am I going to go on suicide watch? Absolutely not. I know that I may be second guessing my decision to come over here but I do fully intend on accomplishing the mission because right now that’s the only logical way to get back home to my wife. Will I be reenlisting in Feb of 2013 when my contract is up? Probably not. And it’s not just because of how terribly this deployment has been managed. It’s because I’ve put in my time and served my time. I want to put that part of my life behind me and move on to the next stage. When I leave the Army I will have served 12 years. I’ll be over the hump for my 20 year retirement, but there are a lot better ways for an intelligent guy to earn pension than going over and fighting other countries wars. And a year is just too long. The Army is the only branch of service performing 12 month rotations. The other branches and nations are all pulling 6-9 month stents. That’s not saying there isn’t the occasional marine unit that pulls a 15+ month or other similar scenarios, but those are units that are extended, not put on orders from the word go for 400 days. I’m still in KAF. You’d be maybe surprised from this post I just wrote, but I am in fairly good spirits. I’m counting down the days until I’m home again, where I’m supposed to be.